I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
