In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
