Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
