i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
