every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
