East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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