Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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