he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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