god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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