how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
