Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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