i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
