Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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