i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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