i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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