I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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