I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
