my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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