Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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