Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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