She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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