I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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