Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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