how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
