so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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