Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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