but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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