I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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