she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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