one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
