the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had to cum in my sink.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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