No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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