also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
