Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
