Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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