I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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