Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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