I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
