you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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