Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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