I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
