You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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