so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
