i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
