I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
