Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize