i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
