I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
