I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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