You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
