the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
