why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
