How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
vagina is talking i cant
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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