I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i already hear my dad disowning me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
