the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
