I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
