I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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