When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
