I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
