What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
