i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
