after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
