either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
