Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
